Sarah Kathryn

Sometimes I wonder how I got here. Not in a bad way or tragic way. Just logistically. I did all the things. I went to college, got married, bought a house, and had a baby. However, I now find myself divorced after a 21-year marriage, living in what is essentially a retirement community, a single mom and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. This was not in the plan. I never imagined myself dating again. Turns out I was pretty good at it.

When I decided that divorce was in my future I was devastated. I couldn’t function, couldn’t eat and I didn’t want to leave my house. It was cold outside. I spent hours sitting in my hammock in front of my fireplace. I brought the hammock in from outside and placed it in my living room right in front of the fireplace. I didn’t care if it was a little strange. I was getting a divorce, and I was going to do what I needed to do to try and get through it. I felt like I was losing my mind or somehow being thrown into someone else’s life. This is not how it was supposed to go. I believed I was never going to get married again. Dating would not be in the plans for me. I really felt like I didn’t need romantic love. I would just live my life out single and focus on myself and my kid. I did that for a while. Even once the hurt started to dissipate, I believed I could be happy alone.

At some point I started thinking about dating. Not really for a relationship, but to have fun. It took a while but eventually I was ready to go. I remember telling my friends that I was going to date men and woman. I don’t think they were surprised. They were happy for me. Dating men was easy, but I was not getting any interest from woman. It was very discouraging. I was given a second chance to explore this part of me and yet I couldn’t find anyone willing to take a chance on me. I was on 2 different dating websites, and yet nothing from women. I decided that queer was a better term to describe myself, so I changed sexual orientation from bisexual to queer, on my profile. It turns out that women did not like the idea of dating a bisexual woman. Identifying myself as queer left it open. I finally started getting some interest and I was so excited.

With men, they were ready to meet right away so I didn’t have to worry about asking if they wanted to meet in the real world. They were on it. I just had to decide if I was ready to make the next move. With women it was completely different. I was waiting for them to ask me out, but they didn’t. I got to know a few women, but no one was asking me to go on a date with them. I couldn’t figure it out. I did eventually go on a couple of dates with a woman. At one point I was dating a woman and a man. The woman dumped me on New Year’s Eve and the man dumped me the next day. Things were not going well. This was a year ago. Oh how things have changed. A month later to the day, my now girlfriend and I went on our first day. Or at least I thought it was a first day. The jury is still out on whether she thought it was a date or a meet up. I think we both agree now that it was our first date.